Welcome to my new nephew

Welcome to my new nephew, Bryant Hunter Bradley! He entered the world safe and healthy on Dec. 20th, 2009. He weighed 6 lbs and 2 oz.

He looks just like his daddy!

Goodbye and God Bless 2

In loving memory of Jessie Oleta Southerland

January 7, 1921 - October 23, 2009

God looked around His garden

and found an empty place.

He the n looked down upon the Earth

and saw your tired face.

He put his arms around you

and lifted you to rest.

God's garden must be beautiful....

He always takes the best.

He knew that you were suffering.

He knew that your were in pain.

He knew that you would never

get well on Earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough

and the hills were hard to climb,

so He closed your weary eyelids

and whispered "Peace be thine".

It broke our hearts to lose you,

but you didn't go alone

for part of us went with you

the day God called you home.

author unknown.

Goodbye, Aunt Jesse, and God bless.

Goodbye and God Bless

RIP Uncle George

In Loving Memory of George W. Reed.

Novever 19, 1929 - October 2, 2009

I am home in heaven, dear ones:
Oh, so happy and so bright!

There is perfect joy and beauty

In this everlasting light.

All the pain and grief is over,

Every restless tossing passed;

I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in heaven at last.

There is work still waiting for you.

So you must not idly stand;

Do it now, while life remaineth-

you shall rest in God's own land.

When that work is completed,

He will gently call you home;

Oh, the rapture of that meeting

Oh, the joy to see you come.

author unknown

Good bye, Uncle George, and God bless.

The Stages of Grief

A very good friend of mine has a young niece that has just suffered a terrible and tragic loss. I don't know her niece, and she doesn't know me, but I can't help feeling for her very strongly.

So this is for Tahsa.


The Stages of Grief

Sometimes things happen beyond our control
and we lose those we love in life.
We are full of anguish yet empty inside
unable to get past the strife.

The grief is over-powering everything around
guilt and blame take root in the heart
It's hard to believe that the world didn't stop
and from others you feel apart.

Denial is the first that enters the soul
'It didn't happen', your heart must say,
'yesterday was just fine, nothing wrong,
how could he be gone today?'

Anger is next and takes denial's place
You shout, 'someone's to blame!
it's somebody's fault, probably mine,
but someone must shoulder the shame.'

'He was too young, he was too kind
it shouldn't have happened to him,
how could he do such a thing to himself?
Did death pick him on a whim?

'Bargaining follows, you must make a deal
surely there's something to trade?
'What wouldn't I give to turn it around,
to not feel so afraid?'

'I'll be kind, I'll pray to God
in going to church I'll never slack,
I'll never say a mad word to him,
but please let him come back.'

Depression is fourth taking it's place
dulling the world to gray
It hard to move on after what's happened
it's hard to greet each new day.

The grief takes hold, not raw anymore
but settled and constant pain
it affects everything you do and think
with no happiness to attain.

Acceptance is the last stage of grief,
the understanding coming slow
That maybe the world is still moving on
and you can rejoin the flow.

Sooner or later we all tragically learn
that a part of life is death
and true healing comes the very first time
you take your second breath.

That breath that comes after you've grieved so long
but you finally raise your head
and realize that though you lost a love
you yourself aren't dead.

You must live your life to celebrate
the time together you had
and realize that you can be happy
even while you're sad.

You'll never get over what happened
you'll know it forever-more
you'll cry for him through your life
but you'll remember him as before.

You'll remember the times you had with him,
when you played and lauged and fought,
but you'll remember him with happiness
and heal more than you ever thought.


Tammy Boyd

Patrick Swayze

A little late, but still from the heart.

Vayo Con Dios, Patrick Swayze.

Amy: a poem

I wrote this for my dear niece, Amy. She's 13 years old.

Amy


There was once a little girl called Amy
She was as beautiful as a song
But when she became the firstborn
it was clear that something was wrong.

Amy had such golden hair on her head
And matching skin so light,
Blue eyes brighter than the sky
A smile that wasn't hidden by night.

Her laugh was bubbly and infectious,
she was an angel to our eyes,
but when her parents looked at her,
Amy was treated to saddened sighs.

Amy didn't learn as quick as others,
she shook with siezures every day,
she went to the hospital weekly
and her family learned to pray.

Amy will never walk, not ever,
and she can only talk with her hands,
the shaking erases all she learns
and we never know where she stands.

But Amy keeps on laughing
because she just is who she is
We all love her dearly,
but as always, she's really His.

Amy will rejoin Him someday,
everyday she's even more near
to the Father that loaned her to us,
and of her leaving us, we fear.

Our hearts will be forever broken
and we'll remember her every day,
but it's not for us on earth to decide
who must go and who can stay.

But we have also been blessed to have her,
and we treasure each laugh and smile
of the happy golden-haired angel
That He let us have for little awhile.

I love you, baby girl.

High Top Baby Booties finished!

Okay, here's my finished effort. It was a good thing to do to keep busy when I was too dizzy to get out of bed or watch tv or read, but not quite sick enough to sleep. It kept my mind busy and kept me from being too bored, lol. I'm going to make a matching little baby beanie in the same teal and off white (actual colors: Ocean and Ivory). I used The Caron brand crochet yarn, it's much softer than Red Heart or most others except for specialty yarns, which can be a little expensive.I made the size slightly bigger than the pattern called for so the baby can wear them for a month or two, hopefully. I have the same pattern for toddler size, which is really just extra stitches around.

This is a picture of an online crochet pattern I'm going to be following to make a pair of baby hightop booties. This is what they are supposed to look like, lol. I'll post pictures of my finished version when I'm done- I hope they look the same!

This pattern and the finished product pictured belongs to Teresa- her blog is called The Art Of Crochet, and she has many wonderful patterns and video tutorials for anyone interested in learning to crochet or just to get cool patterns.

A Boy!

Just yesterday evening, my brother found out that his soon to be first baby is going to be a boy. The boys are beginning to outnumber the girls in our family now, but that's okay.
Now that I know, I can get started on all kinds of little goodies for my soon to be new little nephew!

Little Lost Soul

A question for anyone reading:


What is your definition of a 'mixed blessing'?

Our family has recently been given a mixed blessing.
We found out a few weeks ago that one of my younger brothers is expecting a baby with his fiance. It's his third try; his first was aborted behind his back (he is no longer with that woman), and his second, with his current fiance, was miscarried last year. Now she is pregnant again. The whole family has been cautiously excited, hopeful for the new baby, which will be Sean's first child if it is carried to term, but we have all been afraid to hope too hard. Nobody wants to temp fate, so to speak, or to be as disappointed as the last two times if something happens. And of course, that's to say nothing of how devastated, once again, Sean would be.
This morning, we were informed of the mixed blessing, and how ironic- in a sad way- that it happened on Father's Day.
As it turned out, Sean's fiance was carrying twins. Now she is only carrying one.
We don't know the gender of the surviving baby, because the pregnancy is only four months along, and that seems to be a long time left to be too hopeful as of yet.
And here's where the mixed blessing comes in. And mixed feelings on my part.
I know from experience the emotional turmoil that comes with losing a baby, especially if the coming baby was badly wanted and already loved, and my heart aches for the mother.
Speaking for myself, I am upset and very disappointed for my brother and his fiance for their loss. I'm also very disappointed for my family, who all- including me-wanted this pregnancy to work out well.
But then, thankfully, there's the surviving baby to think about. Despite the loss, I'm grateful that one has survived so far and that, according to doctors, the baby seems to be as healthy as any in the fourth month, with no forseeable problems.
Again, I'm afraid to be too hopeful, but it's looking good, and I'm awaiting this baby with as much, maybe more, anticipation than before, because of the loss of the twin.
The problem is, I almost feel guilty for still having some hope, even though one was lost. My feelings are bouncing back and forth between happy, sad, empathetic, hopeful and guilty.
Not to start sounding all new age, but I'm worried that any negative feelings, like sadness, guilt or any other possible ones will affect the so-far surviving twin.
And part of the reason for my own sense of guilt is the fact that I'm almost glad. Not that one of the babies was lost, but because I keep thinking that, if it was going to happen anyway, pre-determined by a higher power that another baby wouldn't be born, at least it was twins so one of them would be left.
Does that make me a bad person, I wonder? Because I am one of those people that believe a soul is born the minute a baby is concieved. Each one of them was a niece or nephew, my brother's son or daughter.
If both twins had been born, what if, the Lord forbid, something happened to one of them when they were older? Obviously the loss would feel much greater, but would I still feel the same? Would I be thankful that something had happened to only one?
I don't think so, because they wouldn't be unknown souls by that point. I have other nieces and nephews and the thought of something happening to any one of them is unbearable. What are right now quiet souls in a womb would have been children that had grown in the family and had personalities of their own, people that I spent time with; that makes any loss much greater, though it doesn't diminish my feelings now for the lost unborn twin.
In the long run, it's all up to God, or whatever higher power is believed in by any individual. It's just up to us to work through the feelings and emotions on our own.
And I have just been hit with a disturbing idea.
I have been making a blanket for the baby, before we knew there were two. I had started it cautiously, a little worried about the validity of some superstitions. One of those is 'acknowledging an unborn baby too soon is bad luck'. In fact, my brother hadn't even wanted any of us to know yet, because of that superstition, but you know how things get around in a close family, even from states away.
My worry is this:
Which baby was the blanket being made for?
The lost baby, or the survivor?




RIP little niece or nephew.
You never entered our world,
but you'll never leave our hearts.

I'm not satisfied with the way my sister's blanket (see a previous post) is turning out, so I'm going to pull all the stitches (and months of work!) and start all over. In the mean time, I've just found out that my second youngest brother Sean, 23 years old, is expecting his first baby, so I've decided to start a blanket for my future niece or nephew. I'm cautiously optimistic, because this is his third possible baby; the first two didn't make it to birth. I've decided to ignore the terrible 'old wive's tale' that acknowledging a baby before birth is bad luck. I'm hoping that positive thoughts and prayers will bring the new one among us well and whole.

Since the gender of the baby is unknown, I'm using neutral colors- yellow and green, with white edging. I'm using what many call the 'linked stitch, or 'basket weave stitch. The official name is Tunisian stitch. Each square is ten high and ten across, the squares of alternating color. I think, when the blanket is further along, the squares will alternate from small to large. Unless I change my mind before then, of course, lol.

At the risk of sounding like a Negative Nelly, I have to admit that I've recently developed a new pet peeve.
I didn't know it was coming, and at first it was ignorable, but when I began to realize this small thing was beginning to bother me more and more, I couldn't deny it. And then it became a THING to me, thought it's probably not the kind of thing that bothers other people.
First off, I have to ask; does the following passage look familiar?


As a Christian I want to take a stand in what I believe in. At the risk of a bit of inconvenience, I'm forwarding this to all I think would appreciate it. Please help us prevent such offenses against our Lord. It will take you less than 2 minutes to pass it on. If you are not interested, or donot have the 2 Minutes it will take to do this , please don't complain when God doesn't have time for you, because He is far busier than weare.. Remember, Jesus said 'Deny Me on earth and I'll deny you before my Father'.



Or how about this one?




If you cannot take the time to press the forward button and send this to all your
contacts for the brave soldiers that are fighting for your rights as an American, then you have no patriotism and do not deserve to live in this country that you were born in. Don't be a bad American.


Anyone that gets frequent emails will be familiar with those passages and any others that may be similar.
Am I the only one that is bothered by those?
Don't get me wrong; I love getting emails from my friends, and many of them are inspiring or memorable, or just flat out enjoyable, and well worth sending on or saving. Even the ones with those ridiculous passages underneath them, which are, as a rule, either of a religious nature or of a political/pro-war nature, or something along those lines. And I fully understand that by the time those emails get to my friends and are sent on to me, those insulting passages had already been part of the email for a good long while. It wasn't put there by my friends, but probably by the original maker of the email page, whatever it may be. And I don't want any of my friends reading this to be discouraged from sending me emails containing those words- or similar ones- in the future, because I usually do enjoy the content before getting to the end message, and I look and each and every one of them.
But those little quotes at the end by the original sender more than bother me. It kind of make me mad!
After all, it's really nothing more than someone with a small mind trying to push his/her beliefs on others, via nationwide technology.
I have my own religious and political beliefs, and I have an open mind for the beliefs of others. What others believe is not up to me, doesn't hurt me in any way, and affects me not at all. My main motto for anything from lifestyle choices to religion to politcal beliefs, and anything that falls in between, is "More power to them." I have mine and they have theirs.
So why is it, according to those that write those passages on their email, I am a bad Christian or against God somehow, simply because I don't forward emails that are meant to be fun. Because I'm not. I am a Christian in my heart and I love God very much.
I am not a very political person, but I do have a sense of patriotism that fall within my own beliefs. So why am I a bad American, or a 'traitor to my own country', simply because I don't send the email to others?
I simply have the discretion to send to people the things I know they relate to. Why send a religious email that I may believe in to an atheist friend I've known for 22 years, knowing it would only offend her? My enjoyment of the message would not be her enjoyment. My opinion doesn't change hers.
I'm very sympathetic to our soldiers and what they're doing, but I have an anti-war, ant-violence friend that would disown me if I knowingly sent him something against his personal views as if I were trying to change his mind. My tears for our soldiers would not be his tears.
So what is the point of the makers of those emails to try to browbeat people into their own beliefs by offending the readers' senses of religion, politics or whatever else. Everyone doesn't have to believe the same way, and that doesn't make anyone a bad person.
Putting such passages at the end of otherwise enjoyable, inspiring, educational or knowledgable emails resonates of harassment, fanatacism, and small-mindedness. It's very easy to believe that those that wrote that part of the emails are intolerable of anything but what they believe, and what kind of life is that?
And to be honest, such messages often have an effect opposite of what the original sender intended, at least for me and some of my friends that I know it bothers, too. Because when I read a message from someone I've never met insulting things that might be a personal part of me, simply because they are either a fanatic about their beliefs and want to push it on others, or they just try to use such strong words as a game to see how far their email will go...... well, whatever reason these people have to try browbeating strangers into sending their controversial emails along, it's often just that message at the end that keeps me from doing it. Does that make me rebellious? I don't care.

Just finished reading Sara Gruen's Water For Elephants, and it was a wonderful read. Much better than I expected, in fact. The author seemed to have thoroughly researched the way of life in the Depression Era, as well as the way of life living and working with a circus show that was mobile by train. The point of view of the book is entirely of the perspective of Jacob Jankowski, both as a young man with the circus and as a man of very advanced years reliving his pivotal early years. It's was very interesting to read both points of view, and the main character was easy to sympathize with, and some of the other characters, particularly Rosie, were quite easy to fall in love with.
The author also does very well with building the momentum and suspense to reach that penultimate moment when everything comes to a head, but she does't leave the readers hanging, and everything addressed for the reader by the last page. I had no wonderings about what happened to the characters immediately afterward, because such issues were neatly addressed following the climax, rather than simply ending there, as so many novels do. Because this novel contains the suspense that it does, I can't say I'd reread it over and over as I do ma ny other books, because it is no longer mysterious after the first reading. I would, however, recommend this wonderful novel to anyone that would like to live, for awhile, behind the scenes of a long-ago circus show, or just get lost in a great bestselling novel. From this very anonymous reader, Sara Gruen, two thumbs up!

Invictus by W.E. Henley

Here's one of my favorit quotes by W.E Henley. It's called Invictus.


OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbow'd.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,I
am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Such a nice day out today, here in southern Oklahoma. Soon it will be very hot, then I might reconsider. Fishing and camping and lake season is well undner way! Wish I could drive my car, I'd really like to go to the lake today, or tomorrow or this coming weekend.

Limbo

Today has been a very strange day. I feel like I'm in limbo or something. I've been very bored, to the point of distraction, but at the same time, haven't felt like doing anything. I hope that doesn't mean I'll be fighting depression again- restlessness is usually one of the first symptoms for me. I really should be working on my two fanfic stories Changes and His Sister's Keeper, but I just havne't been in the mood, which is kind of strange. I also have a couple other story ideas in my head, but have't got up the nerve to start them yet. I always feel like I'm building the story ideas up in my head in a way that makes it impossible for me to meet my own expectations. Sometimes it's true, but that's just because sometimes things don't work out the way you want. My own critisism is my biggest flaw. Maybe tomorrow I can get some work on the stories. I hope so, they're both kind of popular in their respective categories, and I know what it's like to have to wait for the next chapter on a favorite fic.